Thursday, October 23, 2008

whats in me now

12.12am, tomorrows a friday

well technically todays friday already

history notes sprawled on my bed, my desk

ill attend to them, but perhaps after this one entry

hopefully



Ive realised that Ive digressed from the track I want to stay on

usually, Ill have subjects that Im interested about, and having known

information about it or them

are tools to not make me feel 'uninformed' or blatantly putting it 'bimbotic'



unfortunately I have not been 'indulging' myself in this very liking

Ive retraced steps to reading the newspaper

hopefully itll stay on

One thing that appeals to me,,

BArack obama vs john mccain



i dont have deep ideas on their policies but i know for sure,,

obama speaks better than mccain

(mccain didnt even dare look obama in the eyes during their debate, cmon cain, that was a LIVE telecast)

even pak lah knows better



i think i should dig deeper so to not make my preferences and opinions superficial

obama supports fighting terrorism in afghanistan better

cain thinks the iraq troop deployment is successful

im against both



who are they to deploy troops into other countries

do they really think they are fighting for the best of the world

do they think that just because once before they were looked up to for championing peace now sovereignty of all countries lie in their hands

should this be true, try changing your stands in UN first

the so called body of veto rights as a matter of fact



turning the page to the political condition in malaysia,,

i cant stop thinking how immature it really is

forcing pak lah to step down, muhyiddin yassin publicly criticising him

and making statements in the newspaper



"i have been told to remain calm which I am. I will meet Pak Lah to really explain about the genuine reasons to my claims"(after he's nominated as deputy in umno)

what genuine explanation are there, but you must step down dollah



hrmm I mean, it feels like they are leaders in primary school

whereby they really have to make these pompous statements thinking that they can change the minds of primary students, realistically Malaysian society

do they really think lowly of us?


enough of that,

with in depth research, ill be able to write with more eloquence

now i just feel like my opinions are mere accusations by an uninformed Malaysian who makes opinions for pretentious reasons?


I MEAN RESEARCHlah BEFORE SOUNDING YOUR OPINIONS ryt?


now perhaps my history notes are shouting

READ ME! READ ME!


adding some personal expression,

today i didnt do any sports

my arms are weak,, YIKES

and sometimes I feel as if I have been digressing and unfocussing

THERE ARE JUST ACTUALLY A LOT TO DO, YET IM NOT USING MY TIME WELL


funny that before in TKC, I still saw 5 minutes worthy to be spent for studying

this weekend, god willing ill be going back

dont want to appear all excited about this

but deep inside i know i am

escapism from lembah beringin, keeps my sanity wheels rolling

ecstatic to meet old pals

but no public excitement, it kills eventually


just now I was in charge of DotCO, the very existence of this "kedai" leaves me questioning since day one in KYUEM let alone the reason to the name


a few days ago i had my oxford interview

it was plain daunting

haunting

atrocious

IM AFRAID

but how much better i feel if i keep blaming myself

indulging unnecessarily in self pity

it wont change anything

prayers will , insyaallah

at least you dont give up on god aite


this morning, some of my friends had cambridge interview

glad that they fared well

happy that a friend of mine saw my call as a contribution


perhaps i shall stop now,,

and continue later

hopefully
in search of things that i hope
will shoot answers to the question
whats in me now







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