a grave hole in myself(please think sanely)

firstly, i would like to point out that what my title means have nothing to do with vulgarity or whatever associated with it..
so erm I just went to this mooncake festival which comparatively was at a weaker side so to put it nicely,., but it was a good effort, i think( the normal cover ups people in this world do so to ensure you dont get hurt, but this very act can be questioned its sincerity coz its too much a convention )
well i was expecting to get some intoxication from attending this very festival considering that tomorrow im having economics at 830 in the morning,, hrmm
and im not sure whether i can do it well even,,
it was fun this MOONCAKE FESTIVAL,, ate free mooncake that we didnt know what was the very flavour,, saw a mini hot air balloon that shot up (suree) into the air but eventually fell back to earth,, luckily it didnt end up at places me and shahir would have had a great laugh at should it be that way..
tried to make a pass at some transvite,, stole a lantern but later got to know that they were giving out free lanterns,, so we had the normal rounds..
firstly it was me, shahir, oggy and eizreen and later on we joined the rest.. it was fun but i wont deny that last years was funner,, took pictures with my slr camera which i dont know how to use,, thank god there was shahir and oggy,, ( i would place some doubt on praising shahir though,, he kept on bogging about 'lighting effect' but thanks 8) )
then suddenly when i was taking pictures with azri(syamims twin separated from birth) and fared, i sensed something hot and burning.. it was the LANTERN..
so me and oggy did our tribal dance around this very calamity,, hoping that perhaps our tribal gods can pur down some rain.. too bad they didnt,, but thank god we were taught of inventing shoes and slippers,,
so now im back in my chalet,, econs books spread all over my bed, yet i just cant seem to get why i still cant focus,, whats this very thing thats bothering my thoughts!!
maybe its just me,, wanting to stay in a comfort zone of hating life,, and find every reasons of hating life,,
but after i described all that had happened just now, i feel like hey i did have fun,, maybe the decision to stay happy lies in me,, and its just about taking the gauntlet, what a way to describe it LOL gauntlet of ,, i lost it.. haishh
whatever it is,, i really gotta live to my advices to other people,, that life is a bright bright light that never fails to light me up,,
so yay ,, il start telling myself to grow up and be happy,,
but then again,, i know theres this GRAVE HOLE that really bothers me and i know what is it..
its a matter of me addressing it as trivial because it is nothing close to my list of priorities that will ensure success in my future..
or me addressing it as an anomaly out of all my problems and i should cater to it,, because in a way,, it does ensure that at least i wont live my life all sad and lonely..
whether or not i should disclose it in here,, is something i think more than twice about,, but maybe with time,,, ill discover whats really happening.. my decision, my reaction.. ill put a hold to thinking about it.. and find a LID to cover this HOLE.. so till then~ econs await